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Title: "If I could be a superhero"
Fandom: Horrible Histories
Characters: Rattus Rattus, Dave Lamb (principal), Charles II, Sotherby, Lady Posh, Alexander the Great, Hephaestion, Blenkinsop, Maltravers (secondary)
Genre: Adventure
Rating: PG
Beta: None
Summary: An accident in the time-sewers leads to people throughout history getting superpowers, and it's up to Dave Lamb and Rattus Rattus to get them back ...

Disclaimer: Don't own, never will own!

 Part 1: The time sewers break, and superpowers have been given to people throughout history. Now, Dave and Rattus have to get them back ...



Several hours later, Dave was trying very hard not to wring Rattus' neck.

It wasn't going very well.

"Are we there yet Dave?"

"No, Rattus, we're not there yet. We haven't been there yet for several hours. Asking two hundred times 'are we there yet' is not going to speed us up," Dave replied through gritted teeth.

Rattus shrugged.

"Was only fifty-seven, besides, you wouldn't let me sing," he said sulkily.

"That's because you can't sing. You sound like a crow in its death throes."

"At least I have a wonderful personality", Rattus muttered under his breath, and before Dave could wring his neck, he noticed a door set into the side of the time-sewer, with a party hat set jauntily on the lock.

"Dave! Dave! I see it! Dave!"

"Ow! Yes Rattus, I see it, now stop jumping on my shoulder!"

Rattus stopped jumping, but he wriggled excitedly as Dave heaved open the door and they walked through, coming to a stop in a room full of ornate decorations and rich fabrics in gold’s and reds.

"Oooh this is exciting Dave, I wonder what power Charles the Second has. Maybe it's the power of flight. Or super-strength! That'd be fun, Charlie with super strength, maybe he could - MMMMPH!"

Dave clamped his hand over Rattus' mouth.

"Shut it, Rattus, and get in the bag, someone's coming in the room!"

Rattus yelped as he was shoved unceremoniously in the bag, the de-powerifier clanking against his nose as Dave shifted.

The door opened and closed quickly, and Rattus pulled a face as he clambered back out of the bag.

"What was that for!"

Dave rolled his eyes, even as he rummaged in the bag for the power-locaterifier.

"Surprisingly, people won't react well to a talking rat. Especially one as inane as you."

Rattus humphed, crossing his tiny arms.

"Well if you gave them a chance, I'm sure they'd be fine."

Dave didn't reply, and Rattus eventually unfolded his arms and leaned over Dave's shoulder as he fiddled with the locater.

"Any luck?"

"Apparently he's in the next room," Dave replied absent-mindedly, "can't quite tell if there's someone with him though."

"Well why don't we go and find out?"

Dave looked up.

"What - we have to go and remove his superpowers at some point, and we do have a lot of people to work through."

Dave blinked.

"That's actually a sensible idea."

"I do get them."

Dave rolled his eyes again. Rattus ignored it as usual.

"So are we going?"

Dave opened the bag and gestured.

"Yes, and no peeking! We don't want to scare his majesty."

Rattus grumbled even as he dropped into the bag, and as Dave swung it over one shoulder, he clawed open the zip enough to see what was going on.


-x-x-x-x-x-
 
"Your Majesty?"

Dave knocked on the door, and a mumble of assent came through the other side.

Shrugging - which left Rattus holding on the inside pocket of the bag as it moved alarmingly - he pushed open the door and walked through.

Through the gap in the zip, Rattus could see his Majesty Charles II, King of England, Scotland, Ireland and France, Defender of the Faith, and Knight of the Order of the Garter, curled up on his throne holding his head.

"Eurgh, why did you let me drink so much Sotheby?"

"Because the Prussian Ambassador was singing your Majesty," replied a man sitting at a desk, sipping from a mug and leafing through papers.

Charles groaned.

"Oh God the Prussian Ambassador ..."

He lifted his head, and noticed Dave standing in the door.

Dave did an awkward bow, and Sotheby lifted his own head, a frown appearing on his face as he quickly looked at the piece of paper in his hand.

"Excuse me, I don't think you're due to see the king," he said, and Charles waved a hand at Dave.

"Let him talk Sothers ... why are you here?"

"Errrr ... well, you see your Majesty, you've been placed under a ... um ..."

"A curse!" Rattus hissed, and Dave grabbed the excuse like a life-raft.

"Yes, a curse - by a witch."

Charles lifted his head, looking a bit more alert.

"What type of curse?"

Dave shrugged.

"An evil curse?"

Rattus rolled his eyes even as the de-powerifier collided with him again at Dave's movement.

"That would do it I suppose" said Charles, and Rattus caught Sotheby's roll of the eyes.


"Well you wouldn't be placed under a good curse your Majesty. I'm assuming you're able to remove it?" he said, pointing at Dave.

"Definetly. Just have to get the special ... curse-removing. Thing.  The curse-remover from the bag."

"You're as bad as Mr Nobel," hissed Rattus, but Dave ignored him.

Charles shrugged, stretching a hand to Sotheby.

"Might as well get on with it - pass me the water Sotheby."

Sotheby passed him a jug and Charles went to take a gulp of it. As he did so, he spluttered, and Dave froze, his hand in the bag and wrapped round the de-powerifier. Sotheby was already out of his chair, hand still wrapped round his mug.

"Sire?"

Chalres waved a hand, coughing as he put down the jug.

"Sotheby, I'm fine, you just passed me the wine jug."

Sotheby stopped in his tracks.

"No I didn't. There's no wine in this room your Majesty."

Charles blinked, pointing at the jug.

"Then why is that full of wine?"

Rattus' jaw dropped, hearing Dave swear under his breath.

"Shit - your majesty, the curse, I need to remove it as soon as possible," he said in his normal voice, standing up and bringing the de-powerifier out of the bag, starting to turn it on. Rattus peeked out of the top of the bag, ready to make a distraction if necessary.

"No no no, wait a minute. Pass me your coffee Sotheby."

Sotheby clutched the mug to his chest protectively.

Charles rolled his eyes.

"I'm not going to do anything to it Sotheby, I just want to check something. Stop worrying - or do I have to make you?"

A blush appeared on Sotheby's cheeks, and Rattus raised an eyebrow, but he grudgingly passed the mug over to Charles.

Charles looked into it, and frowned.

"Now that's still coffee, but this," he picked up the water jug, "is wine. Though you say it was water when you gave it to me."

Dave swore again, but Charles ignored him, sitting up straighter.

"Sotheby, bring the vase of flowers!"

Sotheby blinked, but did as he was told. Quickly unhanding the jug and coffee mug to Sotheby, Charles grabbed the vase, putting his finger in the water and licking it.

Rattus' "Eurgh!" was drowned out by Charles' next remark.

"Dear God, I've turned water into wine!"
 
"That's not a proper super-power!" said Rattus, poking his head out the bag.

Sotheby looked at him, his arms full of coffee mug and water jug, and groaned.

"I do not get paid enough for this."

Charles ignored him, he wriggled in his seat - somehow turning 360 degrees in one go - a delighted giggle escaping his mouth.

"Sothers, I can turn water into wine! This is fascinating! Brilliant! Excellent!"

Dave blinked, and got himself back in control.

"Yes your Majesty, but can I remove your ability to do so?"

Charles stopped wriggling in his seat. He sat up and looked straight at Dave.

"Why would you want to do that? This way, I can reduce the amount the Royal Household spends on wine, I'm never going to run out, and we can party all the time!"

Sotheby sat down, whimpering slightly.

"Yes, but - if you're partying all the time, then you can't run the country properly,” Dave said.

Charles waved his hands in the air.

"No one pays attention to what I say, and Sotheby basically rules the country anyway."

"But if you're drunk all the time, you won't be able to have sex."

Dave, Sotheby and Charles gaped at Rattus, who shrugged. Dave's eye twitched.

"I may be a rat, but I do know these things."

Charles recovered first.

"How can you talk?"

"Born in the time-sewer!" Rattus said proudly, and Sotheby spoke.

"Be that as it may, your Majesty, the rat does have a point."

Charles sighed, and slouched again.

"True - oh well. Can I at least turn all the water in the palace to wine before you take it away?"

Dave shook his head.

"Probably a bad idea your Majesty."

"Ah well - do your thing then!"

Dave fired up the de-powerifier and pointed it at Charles. A green light appeared round the device, a whirr and a whizz filled the room, and then a bang. The green light faded.

Dave turned the device over in his hands.

"Well, I think it worked your Majesty."

"I'll test it."

With a yelp from Sotheby, Charles grabbed his coffee and stuck his finger in. Another yelp from Charles, and he took his finger out just as quickly.

"Yep, still coffee!"

Both Sotheby and Dave slumped with relief, and Rattus danced on the spot.

"Well, we'd better be going your Majesty", said Dave, scooping Rattus into the bag with a mutter and a grumble from him.

Charles waved at them.

"Safe journey!"

As Dave turned to leave the room and head back to the time-sewer entrance, Rattus took a last peek out of the bag at Charles, who was now telling Sotheby about an encounter with Elizabeth - whoever she was, the tale involved hand gestures.

Quickly walking back and through into the time-sewer again, Dave heaved the bag off his back and set it on the floor, a sigh of relief leaving his mouth.

"Well, that's one down Rattus."

Rattus clambered out the bag with a grin on his face.

"Yep, and it went well too!"

"Apart from - actually, I don't want to know how you know about sex. Let's go to the next person on our list."

"Is it anyone interesting?"

Dave rummaged in his pockets and pulled out the list, frowning.

"A Lady Posh, in the Georgian era."

"Sounds interesting," replied Rattus, and Dave frowned, tucking the list back in his pocket.

"We'll see. Come on Rattus, its several tunnels away to that entrance."

Rattus clambered back on Dave's shoulder, and Dave picked up the bag.

"Right", he said, starting to walk down the time-sewer, "let's go. And no singing this time!"

"Can I whistle? I'm going to whistle."

Rattus' tuneless whistling echoed through the time-sewer after them.
 
-x-x-x-x-

Part 3: Rattus and Dave encounter a Lady Posh. And a brief cameo from a velociraptor. As you do.

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