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[personal profile] amine_eyes
Title: "If I could be a superhero"
Fandom: Horrible Histories
Characters: Rattus Rattus, Dave Lamb (principal), Charles II, Sotherby, Lady Posh, Alexander the Great, Hephaestion, Blenkinsop, Maltravers (secondary)
Genre: Adventure
Rating: PG
Beta: None
Summary: An accident in the time-sewers leads to people throughout history getting superpowers, and it's up to Dave Lamb and Rattus Rattus to get them back ...

Disclaimer: Don't own, never will own!

Part 3: Rattus and Dave collect Lady Posh's power, avoid a dinosaur, and are well on their way to completing their list ...

Several hours later, Rattus and Dave were slumped on the floor of the time sewer. Rattus rubbed his paws, a groan of pain leaving his mouth.

"I've never done so much walking in my life! We must have got all the superpowers back by now Dave - read out the list, come on."

Dave opened his eyes, grimacing as he shifted into a vaguely sitting position, pulling the list out of his pocket as he did so.

"When did this get scorch marks?" he said, and Rattus shuffled on the spot.

"I ... mayhaveusedittotryandputouttheflames."

Dave looked at him.

"What flames?"

Rattus looked round the time-sewer.

"Oh look Dave!" he said, pointing excitedly at a skull merrily floating down the sewer, "a skull! How interesting is that Dave!"

He looked at Dave. Rattus' nose pulled into his face. Dave kept looking at him.

"I'm waiting for an answer Rattus ..."

"Okay Dave, I may have accidently caused a fire in Shakespeare's study as you were trying to get rid of his ability to speak only in rhyme, and I may have burnt the only copy of Love Labours Won."

"Sorry?" he said after a long moment.

Dave took a deep breath.

"You set fire to the only copy of Love Labours Won. Then tried to put it out, with another piece of paper. How have you lived this long?"

Rattus shrugged.

"Luck and the time-sewer. So who have we removed powers from?"

Dave looked down the list.

"We've done Charles the Second, Lady Posh, Shakespeare, the Victorian factory-owners -"

"They were the ones who could turn back time in their factories to keep the workers there all day weren't they."

"Yes Rattus. We've also taken powers from the Judge of the historical court, the hairy Vikings, Prince Rupert, Squadron Leader Higginson -"

"The one who could make himself stretch and fill impossible gaps?"

Dave sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Yep," remembering the struggle they had catching him to actually remove his power.

"So we must be most of the way through the list! Who now?" asked Rattus, doing a little dance at the thought of being finished and getting to lie down.

"As far as I can make out ..." Dave squinted at the paper, trying to decipher the printout under the layers of blood, mud, sweat and ash it had gained on their travels, "someone called Alexander."

Rattus skidded to a halt.


"I'm pretty sure it says Alexander."

"Not - not Alexander the Great?"

Dave furrowed his brow.

"Now you mention it, it does look like the word Great is there - under the ash left by your attempt to set fire to Shakespeare's work," he said, with a pointed look at Rattus.

Rattus ignored him, his jaw dropping open.

"A-Alexander the Great? WE'RE going to see Alexander the Great?"

Dave looked at him warily.

"Yes, Rattus - is that a problem?"

"Problem?" Rattus squeaked, flailing his little arms, "this is better than Christmas! Oh wait till my Mum hears that I'VE got to meet the greatest military commander in history! Even greater than Captain Kirk!!"

Dave raised an eyebrow.

"I thought you said your mum was somewhere in Ancient Rome."

Rattus flapped his arm at Dave impatiently.

"Details, Dave, details! Come on, we've no time to lose!"

Rattus ran down the time-sewer, and Dave struggled to his feet, running after him.

"Rattus come back! You're going the wrong way!"
Several hours later, Dave and Rattus were walking through the deserts of Egypt, sweat pouring off their bodies as they walked slowly through the sand. Another wave of heat slammed into them both, making them stagger.

"Jesus Rattus," gasped Dave, wiping sweat off his face, "this is boiling!"

Rattus strode forward, looking determined.

"Alexander would get through this in armour! We'll be fine! I -" he wobbled a bit, and Dave caught him, picking him up.

"Yes Rattus he would, but he wasn't covered in thick black fur. Come on; take a rest in the bag."

"Don't need a rest," Rattus muttered sulkily, but he went in the bag with no complaint. As Dave started walking again, he could hear little rat snores from the bag, and he smiled.

The sand seemed to crackle with the heat, and Dave cursed whatever had made the time-sewers have a hissy fit as he kept walking, the weight of the de-powerifier, the locaterifier and Rattus making his shoulders ache. As he reached the crest of a sand dune, he shaded his eyes, and sighed with relief.

"Thank GOD," he said, walking slowly down the side of the sand dune to the bustling camp in front of him, set round a lake and shaded by trees. Behind it rose walls, buildings, and behind them the start of the mountains, and as Dave staggered and slid to the bottom, he marvelled at how this had all been hidden by the sand.

As he started walking towards the camp, two soldiers appeared, standing in front of him in a "We-mean-business" pose.

"Oi! Friend or foe!"

"Friend! Definitely friend! I'm here to see Alexander," replied Dave. He put his hands up for good measure.

One of the soldiers narrowed his eyes, looking Dave up and down.

Dave suddenly realised how dishevelled he looked, covered in ash, mud, sweat, blood (from the run from the Cretaceous period), his clothes looking like they should just be burned, and his skin probably bright pink from walking in the mid-day sun for several hours. He put on a smile to try and look disarming.

The soldier stiffened at the smile, stepping back a bit, and Dave panicked a bit.

"Why do you want to see Alexander?" he asked in a suspicious tone.

"I'm from ..." he thought frantically, "I'm from the priesthood of - of - Auntie B. I have a message for Alexander."

Auntie B? Oh God what am I doing thought Dave, they're never going to fall for that.

"Antib?" said the soldier, "Is this some sort of barbarian god?"

"Yes, yes she is." Dave drew himself up, trying to look imposing.

The soldiers looked at each other, and shrugged.

"Won't be any harm I suppose. Come on," said one of them, and he started walking towards the mass of tents.

Dave followed him, wiping his brow with relief.

Now all I have to do is NEVER mention to my boss that I'm a priest of the BBC he thought, and never let Rattus know either.
A couple of minutes later, Dave was led to a tent which looked just like the others - welcoming, and possibly a little cooler than outside.

One of the soldiers gave him a shove towards the entrance.

"Go on then, tell Alexander your message."

"Thankyou," said Dave - still trying to look imposing - and he walked in.

Inside, the gloom and lack of sun beating on his head made Dave sigh with relief, and a snort of laughter came from a man sprawled on a chair.

"What sort of priest crosses the desert with no water, no map, and wearing clothes completely unsuitable for the trip?"

Dave looked at the raised eyebrow, and raised his own.

"One who needed to speak with you, Alexander."

Alexander raised an eyebrow, taking a drink of water. He gestured towards an empty chair.

"So you're a priest of Antib? What does she cover?"

"The news mostly," said Dave unthinkingly, sitting down with a groan of relief and placing the bag gently on the ground. He looked at Alexander's continued raised eyebrow, and realised what he said.

"Erm, I mean, she's the goddess of quite a few things in our part of the world. Communications, entertainment, victory, campaigns, small children," Dave said, knowing that he was babbling, "Quite major really," he finished. In the silence, Rattus' little rat snores could be heard.

"And what part of the world do you come from?"

"Britain," Dave replied, and the look on Alexander's face changed from mild amusement to a contemplative one.

"Britain," he mused, "don't think it's one I've conquered ... never mind that," he said, looking back at Dave who felt like he was being watched by a hawk, "why would this goddess send you to find me?"

"We were sent to give you a message."

Alexander frowned.

"Did one of you die on the way?"

Dave shook his head, pointing at the bag.

"No, he's just sleeping."

Alexander looked at the bag, then back at Dave.

"So you're a magician as well as a priest."

"No - no, I'm just a priest, ordinary priest."

"Then is your companion a very tiny man?"

Dave got a moment of relief as a man ducked through the tent flap, carrying a helmet under his arm.

"Alexander? You called?"

Alexander waved him over, and the man obeyed, pausing to put his helmet on a table and grabbing a drink of water.

"Yes Hephaestion - apparently this man is a priest of Antib, who's come to give a message, and his companion is sleeping in the bag."

Hephaestion looked at the bag, at Dave, and then to Alexander.

"Right - and you believe him?"

Oh shit.
Alexander raised an eyebrow in response, and Hephaestion snorted, both of them looking at Dave – who now felt very aware of the fact that they were trained to kill from birth.

Alexander leaned forward.

"Prove that what you say is true."

Dave gulped.

Dear BBC, I'm so sorry for what I'm about to do, he thought to himself, and he nodded.

"I will."

He bent down, and opened the bag, poking Rattus.

"Come on Rattus, time to get up - we're here."

Rattus grumbled.

"Five more minutes Dave," he said in a muffled voice, head covered by his tail, and Dave rolled his eyes, conscious of the fact that Alexander was watching his every move, and Hephaestion had his hand on his sword.

"I thought you wanted to meet Alexander."

Rattus blinked, looking at Dave from the confines of the bag.

"We're here?"

Dave rolled his eyes again.

"Yes, Rattus, now if you could come out the bag so that we don't get killed."

Rattus clambered out the bag, and looked at Alexander.

His jaw dropped.

"Your priest friend ... is a rat," said Hephaestion, gesturing at Rattus.

"Alexander, I really think -"

"I agree," said Alexander, cutting Hephaestion off mid-sentence, "this man is obviously a fraud -"

"You're Alexander" squeaked Rattus.

Alexander and Hephaestion looked at Rattus.

"What?" said Alexander after a moment.

"You're - you're Alexander. Alexander the Great. Alexander - Oh!!!" Rattus said excitedly, dancing on the spot, "oh I'm a big fan of your adventures, when you took down all those Persians in the Battle of Issus, when you took on all those people and just went and hacked and brought them down, and oh you're so amazing!" he said at about a hundred miles an hour.

Alexander blinked.

"Right - so, your companion priest, is a talking rat" he said to Dave, and Rattus stopped flailing and looked at Dave.

"Do not question the power of Antib," said Dave, folding his arms and trying to look mysterious.

Hephaestion sat down, pinching the bridge of his nose. Dave sympathised.

"So you're a priest - what message have you brought?" said Alexander, ignoring Hephaestion and looking at Dave with a piercing look.

Now here's where it gets interesting, Dave thought to himself.

"Have you received any sort of ... strange ability? Something unable to be explained?"

Alexander took a sip of his drink, frowning.

"And what would you say is strange, priest?"

"Maybe you found you could fly? Or are stronger than before - much stronger?"

"Or you can stretch and fill impossible gaps!" piped up Rattus.

Hephaestion choked on his drink, but Rattus ploughed on, ignoring him.

"Or you can run at the speed of light, or turn back time, or speak in rhyme, or turn people into stone, or become invisible, or -"

Dave clamped his hand over Rattus' mouth and gestured to Alexander who was watching Hephaestion recover from his coughing fit with mild interest.

"What Rattus is trying to say, is that it could be anything, but we don't know unless you tell us."

"Mmm?" said Alexander, turning and looking at Dave, "I didn't catch the last bit."

Dave resisted rolling his eyes.

"Have you gained any sort of power that you've never had before?"

"Don't think so," mused Alexander, stretching his legs and ignoring Hephaestion's dirty look, "the only thing we've done in the last couple of days is take over the town behind us, and that wasn't unusual."

"Though you did avoid getting hit by any of the arrows being fired at us," Hephaestion pointed out, and Alexander waved his hand to brush the comment off.

"They couldn't have hit an elephant."

"They managed to hit Cleitus. And quite a number of your troops."

Alexander shrugged, grabbing the water jug and pouring himself another drink of water.

"Cleitus got his because he was scaling the wall with no armour. As for the troops, they were unlucky. So, priest, I don't think you have anything to worry about," he said looking at Dave and Rattus.

He frowned.

"Something the matter?"

Dave shut his mouth, and tried to speak. Rattus' stayed open - a small squeak escaping.

"Sorry, Alexander," Dave eventually said, "but - you just got the water jug."

Alexander looked at him.

"I know that. Hephaestion - why are you looking like that?"
Hephaestion shut his mouth, and spoke.

"You didn't use your hands."

"Of course I used my hands - see?" He moved the jug to demonstrate.

Rattus squeaked again.

"Alexander - you - you moved the jug with your mind." said Dave.

Alexander paused, looking at the three of them.

"Well, that'll make things easier on campaigns," he said, and leaned back in his chair.

"I'm afraid not - we need to remove that ability," said Dave, and Alexander frowned.


"Cos the universe will collapse and the zombies will come back," blurted Rattus, and Dave face-palmed.

"What Rattus is trying to say, is that you don't need that power to conquer the known world - you're managing perfectly well on your own. That power is for people who need it."

"And this is what your goddess sent you to do?"

Dave nodded, and Alexander looked at Hephaestion, who was pinching the bridge of his nose as if he could make everything go away just by doing so.

"Well, I am the greatest military commander who has ever lived - would be cheating to do it with this ability," he said, moving his hand and making Hephaestion's helmet rattle on the table.

Hephaestion groaned, and spoke to Dave.

"He's going to be insufferable for weeks. Please - just -"

Alexander stopped spinning the helmet and faced Dave again, smirking and ignoring Hephaestion's comment.

"Do what you need to, priest."

Dave grabbed the de-powerifier from the bag and switched it on, the by now familiar whirr and whizz and green light filling the tent as it removed Alexander's power.

It finished, and Alexander waggled his fingers.

"Shall have to do everything by hand now," he mused, and Hephaestion buried his face in his hands.

"Well, Alexander, we'd better be going - it's a long walk back to Britain," he said and Rattus yelped.

"We're not walking all the way back are we????"

Dave rolled his eyes, heaving the bag on his back and standing up.

"Come on Rattus."

"Just a moment."

Rattus stepped forward hesitantly, holding out his paw.

"It's been an absolute honour Alexander," he said, and Alexander leaned down (aided by a kick in the shins from Hephaestion) and shook his paw.

"Goodbye - Rattus?"

Rattus made a noise that could only be described by the word 'squee'.

"He said my name!"

With a thud, he fainted, and Dave, Alexander and Hephaestion looked at the prone body of Rattus.

"Great - now I have to carry him," Dave muttered, and scooped him up into the bag.

He turned and left, hearing a scuffle and a bitten off yelp in the tent as he re-entered the burning heat, and groaned.

"We need to get Nobel to invent something to open up the time-sewer closer", he said, starting to trudge towards the entrance.

Part 5: Dave and Rattus end up in the First World War ...
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