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Title: "If I could be a superhero"
Fandom: Horrible Histories
Characters: Rattus Rattus, Dave Lamb (principal), Charles II, Sotherby, Lady Posh, Alexander the Great, Hephaestion, Blenkinsop, Maltravers (secondary) Genre: Adventure Rating: PG
Beta: None
Summary: An accident in the time-sewers leads to people throughout history getting superpowers, and it's up to Dave Lamb and Rattus Rattus to get them back ...
Disclaimer: Don't own, never will own!

Part 2: Rattus and Dave remove Charles II's power, and are now on their way to remove Lady Posh's ...


Dave pelted through the door and swung it shut behind him.

As he did so, there was a loud thump on the other side of the door, and a screech of pain.

Rattus peeked out from behind his paws, still squashed up as tiny as he possibly could.


Dave slumped against the wall of the time-sewer, breathing heavily.

"Yes Rattus?" he eventually said.

"I think we need to update the map. So that we don't end up in the Cretaceous period. Almost eaten by a velociraptor."

Dave snorted, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Might be a good idea," he said, and Rattus started uncurling.

The two of them got their breath back, sitting on the small wall running along the edge of the time-sewer.

"I thought velociraptors were supposed to be smaller," Rattus said after a moment, and Dave shrugged.

"Probably - do you want to go back and ask it what species it was?"

"Now there's no need for that!"

Dave sighed.

"I know Rattus, I know."

He levered himself up, grabbing the bag and putting it on his shoulders.

"Come on, we'd better go find Lady Posh."

Rattus sniffed the air.

"I think her door might be down here -" he turned in a circle, and then pointed his tail towards another door, "there!"

Dave raised an eyebrow.

"And how do you know that?"

"I can smell a powdered wig from fifty paces," Rattus replied, and Dave rolled his eyes again.

"Well, let's hope you're right - I've done quite enough running for one day," he retorted, but Rattus ignored him, scampering up to the door and pressing his ear against it.

"Yep! this is definetly it Dave!"

With a heave of the handle, Dave and Rattus stepped through into the time-period.
The contrast between the time-sewer and the room they stepped into couldn't have been any bigger.

Rattus rubbed his eyes as they adjusted to the sudden increase in light, looking around at the gleaming expanse of white.

Dave stepped forward, and the squelch of the time-sewer mud underneath his (by now worse for wear) shoes echoed around the room.

"Certainly impressive," said Rattus, and Dave frowned, looking at the locater-ifier.

"Maybe, but according to this, Lady Posh is supposed to be nearby, and I can't see anyone ..."

"We could try the kitchen?" Rattus suggested hopefully.

"Rattus will you stop thinking of your stomach, it's not exactly the most -" Dave was cut off by an ear-pierching shriek that rolled around the room like a thunder clap.

"That might be Lady Posh. Come on!" said Dave, scooping Rattus up into the bag - ignoring Rattus' protest - and running towards where the sound had come from.

Skidding to a halt at a door, he pushed it open, and paused in shock.

"What did you do to my husband!!!" said a woman, the air crackling with the sheer heat of her anger, pointing imperiously at a man and woman huddled together, clutching a child to them.

"We didn't do anything your Ladyship!" said the man, and the lady drew herself up to her full height, her wig wobbling as she did so.

"Didn't do anything? Didn't do anything? Then WHY, has my husband become this!" she flung her arm towards a statue of a man paused in the act of putting a grape into his mouth.

"I knew we were too soft on you peasants" she continued, spitting the word 'peasants' out like a viper, "we should have just chucked you straight off the land, now look what you've done to my husband!"

"But it wasn't us!" said the man again, "you did it! You were the one who touched him!"
The room went quiet.

The woman blinked, and when she spoke, it was calmly, as though the rage had simply - gone away.


"You were the one who touched him, it must have been you!" said the man again, sounding braver.

"I ... turned him into a statue," she said, and a chill came into the room.

"Can we go back to the velociraptor Dave? Please?" whispered Rattus, and it sounded as loud as a factory machine in the silence that had filled the room.

The woman turned round slowly, looking up and down Dave with a comtemptuous glare.

"And who, precisely, are you?"

"Are you Lady Posh?" Dave said by way of a reply, and she snorted.

"I am - at least until these peasants turned my husband into a stone statue," she said, anger flaring in her voice. The peasants in question gulped.

"Now," she continued - voice as cold as ice again - "I want you - whoever you are - to take them away and hang them for their crime."

"No, no you can't do this!" said the man frantically, his wife gasping and pulling her child closer to them both, "you can't!"

"Oh be quiet you smelly peasants," said Lady Posh, a look of disgust on her face.

"Ma'am - it wasn't them who did that to your husband," said Dave, and she blinked.

"It wasn't? Then who - the orchestra? The butler? The maid?"

"Dave I really think it's not a good idea ..." murmured Rattus, drawing himself into a ball and peeking through a small gap in the zip.

"Ma'am - it was you," he said.

An apple fell from Lady Posh's wig with a thud, rolling on the floor for a bit, before coming to a stop.
The sound echoed in the silence.

"It was me?" Lady Posh eventually said, and Dave nodded.


After a moment, she spoke again.

"I turned my husband, into a statue."

Dave frowned, stepping away very slowly, and trying to pull the bag off his shoulder without distracting Lady Posh from the suddenly thoughtful look on her face.

"Yes, you did," he said, keeping the wariness out of his voice, opening up the zip of the bag very quietly, "now if you just let me remove the ability, we'll be on our way."

"And why would I ever want you to do that?" she said in a musing tone.

She looked back at the peasants, a gleam in her eye.

"You can't be hanged, but you were very rude to me during the Wife-Swap. I could have new statues for the garden. Maybe the pigeons would like them."

"I can't let you do that," said Dave, hand scrabbling for the de-powerifier. Rattus tried to push it up into his hands, but he couldn't get any leverage.

Lady Posh stepped forward, a small smile on her face. The peasant family retreated, frantically looking for an exit.

"No, I don't think I am going to let you take this power from me ..." she said, "now, stay still" she said towards the peasant family, now backed up against a wall, "this will only take a moment."

"Don't you DARE!" yelled Rattus, launching himself from the backpack and landing on Lady Posh's wig. She screamed, trying to reach the top of the wig, leaning to throw him off. Rattus gripped on tightly, but a sudden lurch threw him to the other side of the room. As she span round trying to regain her balance, her foot caught the edge of a marble tile, and she toppled - her scream cut off as she hit the floor with a thud.

Rattus picked himself from the floor, and padded over to Lady Posh.

"Is she dead?"

Dave leaned down, pressing his fingers against her neck. After a moment he shook his head.

"No, just unconscious."

He grabbed the de-powerifier, and looked at the peasant family who had plastered themselves against the wall.

"Did anyone hear her give permission to take her power away?"

They nodded violently. Rattus nodded too.

"I'm sure she said yes. In between the screaming and being more terrifying than a velociraptor."

"In that case -" Dave switched on the machine.

"Here goes."
As before, there was a green light, a whirr, a whizz, and a bang, and Dave looked at the readout on the machine, sighing with relief.

"Oh thank god, it's gone. We can go."

Standing up, he grabbed the bag, Rattus hoisting himself up onto Dave's shoulder. Dave turned and faced the peasant family who stared at him with gaping mouths.

"I'd probably get out of here - while she's still unconscious."

"We could stay with my sister? She lives in the next village," said the wife, and the husband nodded, hugging his wife and child as tightly as he could.

"Thankyou - you saved our lives."

Rattus shuffled on his spot on Dave's shoulder, and Dave scuffed his feet.

"Well, part of the job really - we'll - we'll just be going now."

With that, he walked as quickly as he could out the room and towards the time-sewer entrance, arriving back in the gloom with a sigh of relief.

"Thank heaven that's over," he said, and Rattus jumped down into a puddle of sludge with a squelch.

"Definitely Dave! She was scaaaaaaaary," said Rattus, rolling in the sludge for a moment, "even more scary than - than - than you when I forget my lines!"

Dave blinked.

"I'm not that bad am I?"

Rattus shrugged, picking up a wayward beetle and putting it in his mouth, his jaw snapping shut with a satisfying crunch.

"You're not that bad, it's just that I already said that she was scarier than a velociraptor - can't really say it again."

"You did? When?"

"When she was being all scary," said Rattus and Dave rolled his eyes.

"Your powers of description never fail," he said, pulling a very crumpled list out of his pocket, "come one, we've got loads more to get through."

"Can we grab lunch first? There's this lovely bakery in London - and if we get there after the Great Fire of London, everything's half-price!"

"You never stop thinking of your stomach do you Rattus," said Dave, but his voice was warm as he started walking.

"Nope!" replied Rattus, scampering after him.
Part 4: Rattus and Dave end up in Ancient Greece, where Rattus gets to meet his hero ...


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