amine_eyes | "The Trials of One James Tiberius Kirk" 2/5?

Title: "The Trials of one James Tiberius Kirk - (Or, Five times he tried to have sex with Bones and failed miserably)"
Pairing: Kirk / McCoy
Rating: NC-17
Summary: All Jim wants is fantastic sex with Bones, is that so much to ask?
Beta: the wonderful

sororexitium :D
A/N: This is set in the same magical 'verse as "I'm so awesome!", "Had a good day Captain?" and "Work and relationships do NOT mix!" - namely, Admiral Sellick!Verse :D (God, I thought up a name for it xD)
Disclaimer: Do not own, yadda yadda etc etc

Here is part two :D

Previous Part: Take 1 of Jim's attempt to have sex with Bones ...

It had been a week since the failed attempt between Jim and Bones to have mind-numbingly awesome sex, and Jim sat back in satisfaction, looking at his handiwork. In front of him was a perfectly laid table, complete with bourbon – Pike had looked at him strangely during his Command tutorial, but had said nothing about the missing bourbon from his office, though Jim had noticed with interest that the locks had been changed on the cabinet. Through in the kitchen, roast chicken with lemon sauce was happily cooking away, the potatoes were just right, there was new green veg, chocolate pudding with extra chocolate-y sauce for dessert … and as Jim had learnt from last time, the lube was firmly in the bedroom. The only thing to do was to wait for Bones to make his way over, and to kick out his room-mate, who was currently lounging on the couch.

“Come on Gary; get your ass out of here! Bones will be by any minute, and you promised you’d fuck off for tonight!”

“And what if I decide to stay?” Gary replied, lying back with a satisfied cheeky grin. Jim resisted the urge to punch him.

“Then they will never find your body.”

Gary laughed, levering himself up off the couch and heading through to the kitchen.

“Don’t worry, wonder stud” he called through, banging cupboard doors as he searched for something to eat, “I won’t cramp your style, just let me grab something and I’ll be out of your hair for tonight okay?”

“Good!” Jim replied, checking around the apartment again for any rogue pizza boxes or pieces of clothing that had somehow survived the blitz of cleaning that had occurred.

“Hey, this looks really good! Why don’t I get food like this?”

“’Cos I don’t want to fuck you Gary, that’s why!” Jim called back, checking his watch again. Where the fuck was … the chimes went on the door, and Jim sprinted there, opening it to see Bones in the process of removing his hand from the button.

“Hey there yourself” Bones said grinning, and Jim inwardly dribbled at the fact that Bones had put on a shirt that matched his eyes perfectly – he must have listened when Jim glomped him in the middle of the quad, and told him to be at his apartment for 1900 as they were going to have a date and then sex.

“Nice to see you made the effort” Jim grinned, stepping back to allow Bones to step into the apartment. His grin grew wider as Bones stood in shock, letting his jacket fall to the floor as he surveyed the apartment. He turned to Jim with the infernal eyebrow raised to high heaven.

“Who are you and what have you done with Jim Kirk?”

“What?”

Bones gestured with his arm.

“Your apartment’s actually clean – and what is that gorgeous smell?”

“That would be me” Gary called through as he wandered through, licking his fingers, and Jim somehow resisted the urge to growl in frustration. Luckily, Bones just laughed as he picked up his jacket and hung it up by the door, toeing off his shoes as he replied in a typically snarky tone, “you mean you discovered how to use shower gel, Mitchell?”

“Oh ha ha, very funny, McCoy” Gary replied, pulling on his own jacket, “by the way Jim, that sauce tastes heavenly! I am envious!”

“Thanks” said Jim, inwardly yelling at Gary to get moving so that he and Bones could have dinner, and then triumphant sex. Ushering Bones through to the table, he inwardly ran Gary’s last sentence through his head, and stopped dead in the middle of the floor.

“Gary, what sauce did you eat?”

“The yellow one” he replied, staring bemusedly at Jim.

Jim’s face paled at the same moment that Gary’s turned green.

“That was the one with lemons in.”

“Oh fuuuuccccck …” Gary groaned, running through to their shared bedroom where the bathroom was, holding his hand to his mouth in a vain attempt to –

Bones was already heading towards the doorway of their room when Gary’s weak voice trailed through.

“Jim … I think I threw up on your bed … and mine … and Oh God …” his voice disappeared in another round of vomit sounds, and Bones groaned as he went to try and make Gary stop throwing up the contents of his stomach all over the room.

Jim looked through at the abandoned dinner, and swore at God and his ability to fuck things up, as he headed through to see what could be salvaged of the rest of the evening. Turns out, nothing when you have to take your room-mate to hospital due to his reaction to the lemon sauce, and then you have to clean out the entire room ‘cos the vomit went everywhere.

Onto Part 3 :D

Current Mood: avoiding essays xD
Current Location: Laptop :D
Current Music: Jamiroquai - "Seven Days in Sunny June" :D