"Field Studies - Or, Ten Things Chris knows about Karl Urban"

[amine_eyes]

Title: "Field Studies - Or, Ten Things Chris knows about Karl Urban"
Pairing: Karl / Chris
Beta: the wonderful sororexitium  :D
Summary: Misconceptions, thoughts, and little things that Chris found out about Karl Urban ...
A/N: This is a companion piece to "Field Studies - Or, Ten Things Karl knows about Chris Pine", and fits in my magical hand-waving universe that imagines the two of them together :D
Disclaimer: I own them. And if you believe that, I have some lovely farming land to sell you - it's on a marsh, very desirable ...


"Field Studies - Or, Ten Things Karl knows about Chris Pine"

1. Karl doesn’t growl. He chuckles with a low rumble that can echo off the walls, giggles like a schoolgirl, swears like a sailor, and fucking keens when Chris is refusing to let him come - heels dug into the mattress, hips arching desperately into Chris’ choke-hold on his cock as Chris fucks him with his bloody brilliant should be criminalised fingers, but he doesn’t growl. Growling only happens when the kids are over and Karl is pretending to be a bear or a dog – those kids have him wrapped around their little fingers -, and it’s always when Chris is out of the room so that he can’t be mocked mercilessly.

 

2. He doesn’t have a stylist. All those clothing choices are him and him alone – including the disgusting sweater that he wore during “the mic-job” incident, and those shirts that seem to have lost all ability to do up around his neck – and are made chiefly to annoy the hell out of Chris / make Chris as horny as fuck when he walks around with that fucking expanse of lickable chest and neck on show.

 

3. He’s scared of spiders. When Chris found this out, he actually started laughing at the sight of Karl backed into a corner of his room while this spider barely bigger than a paperclip trundled its way up and down the opposite wall, ‘cos seriously! This is the guy who has had live fucking cockroaches in his mouth, will jump off cliffs with only a fucking inch-thick piece of rope attached round his ankles, will watch scary movies and then go to sleep without a single nightmare, and he’s scared of something that’s a) is a hell of a lot smaller than him, and b) is probably more scared of him. As Chris shoos the poor thing out of the room, Karl mutters darkly, “the only reason household spiders can’t kill us is because their fangs are too fucking weak.”

 

4. He reads fanfiction. And not just the innocent gen stuff that explores and builds worlds and continues the adventures of the characters, but the stuff that makes Chris’ head whirl while his cock throbs, ‘cos how the fuck is that position even possible with humanoids? Do they somehow grow an extra set of arms and get the strength of Superman in order to pull it off? When questioned, Karl turns bright red with embarrassment as he attempts to explain that he reads it ‘cos of the characterisation, and then with anger as he realises that Chris was looking through his internet history. Chris sleeps on the couch for a week after that, and carefully ignores the sound of quiet squeeing in the corner by the computer at 3am as Karl finds a new update of his favourite stories.

 

5. He can’t make people orgasm just through talking – which is a good thing for his appearances at conventions, as if this was possible, the entire room would be unable to walk after one of his little monologues combined with his dirty giggle.

 

6. He dreads the days when Natalie brings over the kids for the weekends – not because he and Natalie are at knifepoint, or that Natalie and Chris hate each other’s guts. No, it’s because when she brings over the kids, her and Chris sit for hours chatting merrily away about all the stupid things that Karl has done during his life, while Karl hides from them on the pretext of making sure the boys are actually unpacking and not having a pillow fight.

 

7. He keeps all his fan-mail, from the sweet stories to the hilarious to the downright disturbing ones that give Chris and Natalie nightmares from the scenarios postulated in them. When questioned, Karl replies that if they were brave enough to write to him, it’d be incredibly rude to just throw them away as if they didn’t matter, when they do.

 

8. He’s studying for a degree in medieval history because of his fascination with the society in those days, how it worked and how people thought about the world, and delights in telling Chris - in gruesome detail - how illnesses used to be treated whenever Chris falls ill. This normally leads to Chris attempting to throw the snotty tissues that he’s just used at Karl’s head in protest.

 

9. He has one of the most eclectic music tastes that Chris has ever known. His iPod goes from Backstreet Boys to Queen to Tom Jones to Black Sabbath to classical … it would be amusing, if it wasn’t for the fact that Chris can’t really say anything, he has Jimi Hendrix and Lady Gaga next to each other on his playlist – if that’s not eclectic, then he’ll eat his hat. With no ketchup.

 

10. He may be a geek, but he’s Chris’ geek. And don’t you forget it.