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amine_eyesPairings: Kirk / McCoy, Spock / Uhura, Chekov / Sulu
Rating: NC-17 for safety :P
Disclaimer: I don't own, I wish I did, but I'm not lucky enough to :)
Summary: Spock is invited to a guy's day out ... 'interesting' things ensue.
A/N: So, I'm supposed to be writing my Big Bang, I casually peruse the kink_meme, and find THIS prompt: "AU, Bones is a pornstar not a doctor, and Jim is his biggest fan. They meet at a porn convention, and decide to have sex." This little passive-aggressive octopus attaches itself to my laptop and basically decided that I should write this. I couldn't stop myself. It is un-betaed, but will be reposted if any corrections are needed to be made :).
“Will – you – just – give – that – here damnit!”
“Hell no! It’s my turn to read the magazine!”
“But I’m the boss!”
“I bought it!”
Spock raised an eyebrow from the other end of the office to where Jim and Hikaru were wrestling over a magazine, and sighed. He turned back to the papers in front of him, and continued trying to work on the latest information to have come from HR. A triumphant yell from the other end, followed by a wheeze, and Spock abandoned all attempts to work, turning his chair to watch the carnage.
Jim got up and made a triumphant pose, holding a battered magazine in one hand, while Hikaru lay on the floor regaining breath from what appeared to be a blow to the diaphragm. In triumph, Jim settled down on his chair, sipping at the coffee that Janice had brought through earlier, barely even recognising that it was highly likely to be lukewarm.
An attempt at quiet reigned, and Spock turned back to his work, flipping the page to continue reading about the efficiency rating in the company’s last quarter. A blood-curdling yell rang out in the office, and Spock spun round.
Jim was frozen, mouth wide open, and his hands let go of the magazine, falling onto the face of Hikaru who was struggling up. Hikaru frowned, picking up the magazine and looking at the page that Jim had presumably been looking at, and his mouth dropped open. He turned to Jim, still sitting there with a look of shock on his face.
“Is this true?”
Jim gulped, and blinked.
“Yep.”
“This … seriously??? We have got to go!!”
Spock raised his eyebrow, and intervened.
“Pardon me gentlemen, but what is so fascinating that is distracting you from making sure that this company runs as smoothly and efficiently as possible?”
Jim shook himself – rather like a dog leaving water, and looked at Spock.
“Only the biggest porn convention in history visiting San Fran. Next month. And they have McCoy there!!”
“And Chekov!”
“Him too! We’ve got to go!”
Spock couldn’t stop himself – his mouth dropped open as the attempted to make sense of Hikaru and Jim’s outburst.
“You gave an impression of what is commonly termed ‘a pack of rabid fangirls’ along with yells that would quell the heart of lesser men, because of a convention featuring pornography.”
“Yep! And you’re going!”
Spock felt his eyebrow twitch, and Jim made soothing gestures with his hands, forestalling Spock trying yet again to make sense of Jim Kirk.
“Come on, guy’s day out, it’ll allow Nyota to go shopping at the mall, you won’t have to carry any bags, and it’s not like we’re asking you to watch the porn. It’ll be great Spock!”
“And Jim’ll do all your reports for the next month if you go” replied Hikaru, who had recovered and was now sitting on the edge of his desk, tapping one hand on his keyboard as he (presumably) made adjustments to the flight-plans for later that month.
Jim gaped and was about to retort, when Spock cut in smoothly.
“Done. You may start with this efficiency report Mr Kirk.”
Placing the papers on Jim’s desk, Spock opened up another window on his computer, and began composing his article on dark energy for the local symposium. He ignored the bored sound of Janice on the other end of the intercom as Jim booked the tickets for the three of them, and concentrated on wording the article correctly. After all, it was the logical decision.
-x-x-x-x-
The hall was full of people bustling around, talking loudly at the top of their voice about their favourite pornographic videos and sexual positions, signs flashed different neon colours everywhere – none of them in time – and the presumably broken public announcement system blared out muffled messages every three point two seconds. Jim and Hikaru were standing there in awe, scruffy as per usual when there wasn’t an important company meeting, and visibly bouncing on the spot in anticipation.
Spock felt his eyebrow twitch.
“Mr Kirk -”
“Come on Spock, call me Jim, we’re on a break today!”
Spock’s eyebrow rose higher.
“Jim … given that we have now arrived and have been inside for five minutes, it is now acceptable for me to go aid Nyota in her shopping trip. After all, she is having dinner with the rest of my family tomorrow, it would be -”
Jim turned to look at Spock, eyebrow raised in a scary imitation of his own.
“You trying to get out of here early Spock?”
“Yes.”
Jim grinned, and Spock felt the same feeling that a small fish might get when a shark grins at them. He clapped Spock on the shoulder, and laughed.
“You’re not getting out of this lad’s day out Spock! Come on, I bet there must be an exhibition somewhere that will interest you!”
Jim stood on one side, Hikaru moved to the other, and they steered Spock towards the exhibitions.
-x-x-x-x-x-
Hikaru looked out across the floor to where Jim was standing talking to two scantily dressed women, and smiled, turning back to Spock who was sitting down carefully drinking his tea.
“Jim is having fun isn’t he.”
Spock looked up to where Jim was presumably re-enacting his time in the simulator at work, judging by the wild arm gestures.
“He is indeed, and I presume you are too?”
Hikaru beamed, taking a long sip from his coke bottle before he replied.
“Yep! One of the guys I was talking to earlier has done loads of work flying the Pacific route, we had a nice conversation about the merits of using particular planes.”
“I must admit, this has been … surprising. I ended up in a conversation about the best choices for lighting systems, especially when they’re combined with the latest security guard technology.”
“Well that’s the thing with this sort of convention – it’s not so much about the porn, or even the porn industry, it’s more about meeting new people and sharing experiences about other stuff.”
Spock looked at him.
“Okay, porn is totally the main reason we’re here. I even got to talk with Chekov!” Hikaru bounced in his seat, and Spock felt the irrational need to ask the vendor for a seat with straps to make sure that Hikaru didn’t fall off.
“Chekov …”
“Yeh, Chekov! He’s this totally hot Russian guy, only been in the game a year but OH MY GOD he’s amazing! He emotes! It’s like you’re actually watching real people have sex, not like some videos where it’d probably have the same effect if they put two plastic toys together and made some weird noises. It ‘s – OMG he’s coming over!!”
Hikaru frantically flattened his hair and Spock turned to where a thin man with slightly curly hair was walking over. He stood in front of Hikaru, and bounced on the balls of his feet.
“Hikaru Sulu? It’s me, Pavel Chekov. I was wondering … would you care to chat with me? Just for a while, no pressure, in fact I should probably go -”
Hikaru leapt from his seat and stood in front of Pavel.
“No! No, it’s fine, I’m sure – Spock do you mind if I go have a chat with Pavel?”
Spock raised his eyebrow slightly.
“Hikaru, it is not my business to mind, I hope you two have a pleasant conversation.”
Hikaru beamed brighter than before, and Pavel grabbed his hand, dragging him off.
Spock looked over to where Jim was happily chatting away, and sighed, lowering his head to drink from his tea, enjoying the moment of quiet serenity.
Until it broke. An almighty crash echoed round the room, and Spock looked up to see Jim on the floor. Quickly he hurried over to where Jim and another man were lying groaning on the floor, while another woman was waving her hands in worry, babbling out apologies.
“Oh God oh God I’m so sorry! I should have been looking where I was going, I and now I got you both injured and I -”
Spock cut her off with a wave of his hand and bent down to Jim.
“Jim, are you hurt?”
Jim shifted slightly and winced.
“Nothing’s broken I think, but I’m sure as hell gonna have a sore back in the morning. What about you?” He directed this to the other man who was just starting to lever himself off the floor, “you hurt?”
“If I’m not, it’ll be a god-damn miracle,” the other man muttered, getting to his feet with a groan. “What about you kid?”
Jim gratefully took Spock’s outstretched hand and pulled himself up, talking as he did.
“Hey, if I was a kid, would I really have …” his voice trailed off as he finished standing and looked at the man in front of him. His eyes widened, and Spock raised his eyebrow, hoping against hope he wasn’t going to have to slap Jim out of a daze. The other man also fell silent from his low grumblings, and the two of them stared at each other in silence.
Spock looked at Jim. Then at the other man, and sighed. He reached over and clicked his fingers between the two of them, and they jerked back to the present.
“Hey, the name’s Jim Kirk” Jim said, holding out his hand.
“McCoy, Leonard McCoy,” drawled the other man, taking Jim’s hand in a firm handshake.
“So … I was wondering … fancy me buying you a drink in return for not looking where I was going?”
McCoy grinned and clapped his shoulder.
“Only if you let me buy you one too.”
Jim and McCoy headed off, and Spock turned to the still hysterical woman who was now taking deep breaths and crying about how she hadn’t been paying attention. He resisted the urge to run away.
-x-x-x-x-
An hour had gone by since Hikaru and Jim had gone off to “chat”, and Spock had received one text full of exclamation marks from Hikaru, and nothing from Jim. He wandered the halls, talking away with Nyota on his mobile, and as he listened to her calm voice, the stress of the day melted away.
“I’m glad you have had a reasonable time anyway Spock dear, it’s nice to see you, Jim and Hikaru having bonding days.”
Spock raised his eyebrows as he tried to find a room where he could continue the conversation in private.
“Nyota, as much as it is a good plan to bond in order to let our friendship grow, I’m sure we could have done the same thing at perhaps an outdoor centre like many companies use for team-building exercises.”
Nyota’s chuckle filled his ear, and Spock smiled slightly as he found a room suitable for having a conversation. He walked in, and sat himself down in the corner, continuing to talk away with Nyota about the day, when he heard a weird noise.
“Nyota, hush for a moment …” He craned to try and hear what was making that weird noise. He listened, and then, with a horrible realisation filling his head, he realised what he was hearing.
“Oh … Oh God … Jesus, so … tight …”
“Fuck me harder Jim! Fuck! Jesus! Want you – God – there- FUCK – yes!”
“God your ass it’s so perfect, I wanna fuck you all day long and ride you like a horse you fucking sexy bastard!”
“Less talking about it, more fucking!”
The sounds of flesh slapping flesh rose till they filled Spock’s ears, and he fought the ear to cover them like a child would.
“Gah – want – push Leonard, push, oh God – rock like that, squeeze like that you fucking OH GOD you’re fucking like a fucking doctor so fucking methodical and oh fuck you’re so responsive!”
“Damnit Jim I’m a porn star not a doctor! Now FUCK me like you fucking mean it!”
The groans grew louder, and the slaps of flesh upon flesh grew faster and faster along with the heaving breaths until a cry came from both of them.
“Jesus …”
“God we should do that again …
“Give me a minute or so Jim …”
Quietly, Spock rose up and tiptoed out the room, shutting the door behind him. Walking quickly, he made his way through the exhibition hall, Nyota’s voice growing more concerned as she called his name, and he went to the car, unlocked it, and strapped himself in.
“Nyota?”
“Oh Spock are you okay?”
“I’m fine Nyota, in fact I’m on my way home now.” He started the car, and headed out of the car-park.
“Spock – what about Jim and Hikaru?”
“They made their own way here, and besides,” he thought back to the text that followed the collection of exclamation marks that spoke excitedly of going for dinner with Pavel, ”they both now have other engagements.”
Nyota laughed warmly down the phone.
“I guess I’ll do dinner for two then … see you later Spock … love you,” and with that the connection ended with a blown kiss from Nyota.
As Spock drove down the freeway, he quickly sent a text to Nyota as he headed home.
Love you too.
-x-x-x-x-THE END –x-x-x-x-
