"Bobsy 1 - Universe 0"

[amine_eyes]

Title: "Bobsy 1 - Universe 0"
Fandom: Horrible Histories
Characters: Bob Hale, Mike Peabody
Rating: PG
Genre: General
Beta: None
Contains: Bob Hale being in possession of explosives.
Summary: Out on a team-building day, Bob and Mike's jeep breaks down - and it only goes well from there.

A/N: This was written for this prompt on hhanon, asking for any characters encountering dinosaurs. Cue Bob Hale being Bob, Mike Peabody wishing he was anywhere else but stuck in a jeep with him, and a blatant rip off of Jurassic Park :)




“Out of interest, whose idea was it to do this team-building day?”

“Steve from HR I think,” replied Bob, his voice muffled.

Mike stopped trying to restart the engine, and turned in his seat.

“You know, trying to retune the radio to the Archers isn’t going to work. They said it in the briefing.”

“Nothing’s impossible old Mikey boy! That’s what my Nana Bobsy always said – well until she tried to split the atom with a hammer. Course, it would have worked if she’d remembered to use a really really small hammer, but then you can’t cover all the variables. Oh Nana, you character -”

Mike turned back to face the window, watching the rain stream down as Bob’s rambling faded into the background noise of the rain.

“I wonder how Sam is,” he mused, and Bob snorted, yelping a moment later as he pulled out a cable.

“Oh she’s probably having a cup of tea after completing the high ropes in half an hour in high heels,” he replied, and Mike grinned despite himself.

“That does sound like her,” he said, a smile on his face, and Bob pulled out another couple of cables as he replied.

“Course she would, she’s not head anchor for nothing.”

A crack of thunder, and Bob scrambled out from the foot well.

“Right, I think that worked. Go on, turn it on! I want to know who won the spile troshing competition!”

Mike raised an eyebrow.

“What on earth is a spile troshing competition?”

“I have no idea, but it sounds exciting! We could play it at the Christmas party!” replied Bob.

Mike rolled his eyes, but he reached forward and turned on the radio. It crackled, hissed, and with an explosion of sparks, turned itself off.

Bob slumped in his seat.

“Bobsy, nil, universe, one.”

Mike patted his shoulder awkwardly.

“At least it passed the time. Maybe next time you can beat the universe.”

Bob sighed, looking out at the rain.

“True – and that plan will definitely work!”

Mike hid a grin, and looked out his own window, a comfortable silence falling in the jeep.

“At least we’re inside while we wait for the other jeep to pick us up.” Said Bob after a while, fiddling with his tie, trying to make it lie flat, “besides, what could possibly go –“

THUD.

The two of them looked at each other. The rain continued to drum on the roof of the jeep.

Bob was the first to speak.

“What was that?”

Mike rubbed at the windscreen, peering out into the darkness, frowning.

“I don’t know … maybe a tree fell.”

Bob shook his head as he replied.

“No, a tree falling would sound more like ‘ THUD - Kraaaaakshodumph’.”

There was another thud, followed by a Kraaaaakshodumph.

“Like that.”

Mike looked at Bob.

Bob looked at Mike.

Mike cleared his throat, reaching for his phone.

“Look on the bright side Mike, at least there’s no mysterious noises -”


THUD. THUD. THUD.


An unholy roar split the air.

“Would that count?” Mike asked, staying as still as he could.

“Erm, I think so. Yep, that would do it,” replied Bob, his voice a lot higher than before.

Another thud, closer than before. And another.

Slowly, Mike and Bob turned their heads and looked out the right window.

A crash of lightning.

“… Mike?”

“Yes Bob?” whispered Mike, frozen at the sight in front of him.

“Is – is that – it can’t be-”

Mike was saved from answering by another unholy roar. Another crash of lightning that lit up the sight in front of them, and then darkness.

“As long as we stay still we’ll be fine as long we stay still we’ll be fine as long as –“

“Bob, shut up it’ll hear us!”

“Tyrannosaurus Rex hunts through movement, as long as we stay still we’ll be –“

“Bob, shut up!”

With another thud, the T.Rex moved closer to the window. Mike and Bob pressed against the other side of the jeep.

It crouched next to the jeep, a wall of muscle and hide blocking any chance of escape. Its muzzle came close, the puffs of air leaving its nostrils steaming up the window.

Bob clenched Mike’s hand.

Another roar that rumbled round the sky and shook the seats of the jeep.

Their hands gripped tighter.

It stood up almost impossibly fast, its large, powerful legs straightening as it stood at its full height.

Silence.

“Bob?”

“Yes Mike?”

“Any bright ideas?”

“Pray for a miracle?”

“What’s that going to do!”

“Make us feel better about our impending doom!”

The T.Rex loomed over the jeep, its muzzle brushing the roof.

“Any other plans?” Mike asked, his eyes fixed on the teeth. Must be at least a foot long! He thought, trying to visibly not panic.

Bob stared up as well, still holding Mike’s hand with a death grip.

“None that’s likely to work against at least six tons of hungry dinosaur!”

The T.Rex lifted its head away from the roof, disappearing into the darkness.

Mike and Bob stayed still.

A minute passed.

“… Has it gone?”

Mike blinked, unstiffening slightly.

“Maybe –“

With an ungodly roar and a crash of lightning the head swung back down, hitting the roof with a crash and knocking the Perspex straight out of its holding.

“AGHHHH!!!”

The T.Rex’s teeth scraped along the Perspex, the shriek of tortured plastic joining the thundering rain and the roar of the dinosaur. Drool dripped from its open jaw as it roared, landing on Mike and Bob as they tried frantically to keep the Perspex between them.

“This is not what I signed up for!” yelled Mike, kicking at the plastic as the teeth encountered it, but it wasn’t working, the T.Rex was still bellowing, still trying to eat them and Oh God they were going to be lunch for a Tyrannosaurus Rex!

“Mike, hold it off!”

Mike turned his head, mouth gaping even as another shove from the dinosaur above them made the Perspex bend with a tortured sound.

“What!”

“Hold it off Mike, I have a plan!!” yelled back Bob, flipping over and scrambling over the seat into the boot.

“Are you insane! Bob! Bob, HELP!”

The T.Rex bellowed again, Mike was pushed into the seat, the Perspex was starting to crack, he could feel the saliva from its maw dripping onto his skin –

“Bob, will you help us try to live!!”

“Two seconds Mike!” he yelled back. Mike could see him frantically pouring liquids into a bottle, speaking quickly but he couldn’t hear him over the sound of the T.Rex trying to eat them!

“We don’t have two seconds you idiot! HELP ME!”

The Perspex broke in two, the T.Rex lifted its head to finally bite down and tear them both in two and Mike swore as he tried the doors but they weren’t going to open fast enough and the mouth was coming down and it seemed slow and fast at the same time and oh God -

Bob stood up, swung a length of wood, and batted something up into the cavernous mouth bearing down upon them.

Instinctively, the T.Rex swallowed.

It paused.

A frown appeared on its face.

Mike gaped at Bob.

“Bob, what the fuck did you do?”

Bob scrabbled at the locking system, opening the door and falling out the jeep.

“Come on Mike, I don’t know if this is going to work!”

Mike scrambled out the jeep and started to run.

The T.Rex swung its massive head around, spotting the two of them, turning slowly and bellowing its roar to the heavens as it stepped towards them.

“Come on Bob!!” Mike yelled, the two of them half-running half-slipping in the mud as they tried to get away.

“Come on come on come on please work please!” Bob yelled, and the T.Rex raised itself as it prepared to bite down and –


It exploded.


The shockwave hit Mike and Bob and they went flying, crashing into the ground and skidding for several yards, sliding to a stop in shocked silence.

A piece of jaw landed next to them and they flinched.

Mike stared at the bloody lump of bone and teeth and flesh, trying to speak.

He rolled over and looked at Bob – who was staring up at the sky with the same look of shock on his face, covered in mud, his tie absolutely ruined.

“Did – what – you - what?”

“It actually worked,” said Bob, dazed.

Mike swallowed, sitting up with a wince.

Bob sat up too, running a hand through his hair.

They stared at the smouldering carcass in front of them.

“You just blew up a Tyrannosaurus Rex.”

“Bobsy one, universe, nil!”